I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ttyl tear gas
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
