i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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