Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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