every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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