Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
do nipples grow back?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
