I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
