I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
