Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
