Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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