I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
