No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
