I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
