"it" just moved
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
