Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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