fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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