My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
