Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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