Kareoke will never be a sober sport
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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