whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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