He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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