Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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