I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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