we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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