Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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