i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
