You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
