if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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