I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
