I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
