Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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