Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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