In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
