If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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