Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
