I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
