i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
