I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
