apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
