I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
