wanna go halves on a baby?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
