did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
