He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
