my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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