so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
