im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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