she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
