they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
