apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
