Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
