And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
third nipple confirmed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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